funnies

[hunting_mainiac]

http://www.hunt101.com/img/249659.gif (http://www.hunt101.com/?p=249659&c=567&z=1)

[hunting_mainiac]

http://www.hunt101.com/img/063442.gif (http://www.hunt101.com/?p=63442&c=564&z=1)

Was that one of your baby vid's HM???????? :D Explains alot!!!!!!! ;)
:D :D :D :) :shock: :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[hunting_mainiac]

hate me granmah :evil:

LOL

[NRALIFE]

those are just wrong..

[hunting_mainiac]

they do LOL,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[Glenn]

I can't stop laughing at Granny kicking the baby over the goal post...Glenn....

[hunting_mainiac]

a laugh a day will keep the doctor away :lol: doc

[Reece]

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the living room was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"

The host said, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife."

"What's he stuffed with?" asked the visiting hunter.

"My wife."

[Reece]

The world's funniest joke was unveiled by scientists today at the end of the largest study of humour ever undertaken.

For the past year people around the world have been invited to judge jokes on an Internet site as well as contribute quips of their own.

The LaughLab experiment conducted by psychologist Dr Richard Wiseman, from the University of Hertfordshire, attracted more than 40,000 jokes and almost two million ratings.

As well as identifying the joke which appealed most to people around the world, the experiment revealed wide humour differences between nations.

Scans conducted on people being told jokes also identified the brain's laughter centre - a region near the back of the frontal lobes.

The joke which received the highest global ratings was submitted by 31-year-old psychiatrist Gurpal Gosall, from Manchester.

It reads as follows: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Dr Wiseman said the joke was interesting because it worked across many different countries and appealed to men and women and young and old alike.

He said: "Many of the jokes submitted received higher ratings from certain groups of people, but this one had real universal appeal.

"Also, we find jokes funny for lots of different reasons. They sometimes make us feel superior to others, reduce the emotional impact of anxiety-provoking situations or surprise us because of some kind of incongruity. The hunters joke contained all three elements."

People logging onto the LaughLab website were invited to rate jokes using a "Giggleometer" which had a five-point scale ranging from "not very funny" to "very funny".

One intriguing result was that Germans - not renowned for their sense of humour - found just about everything funny. They did not express a strong preference for any type of joke.

People from the Republic of Ireland, the UK, Australia and New Zealand most enjoyed jokes involving word plays.

One example was as follows. Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." Doctor: "I've got some cream for that!"

Americans and Canadians, on the other hand, preferred jokes where there was a strong sense of superiority - either because a character looks stupid or is made to look stupid by someone else.

This was an example of American humour.

Texan: "Where are you from?"

Harvard graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."

Texan: "OK, where are you from, Jackass?"

Many European countries, such as France, Denmark and Belgium, displayed a penchant for off-beat surreal humour.

Here is an example: An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price." "But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."

Europeans also enjoyed jokes that involved making light of topics that make people feel anxious, such as death, illness and marriage.

Dr Wiseman said: "These results are really interesting. It suggests that people from different parts of the world have fundamentally different senses of humour. Humour is vital to communication and the more we understand about how people's culture and background affect their sense of humour, the more we will be able to communicate effectively."

People taking part in the LaughLab experiment were asked to answer questions that involved making various estimates - such as guessing the number of words on one page of a typical paperback novel.

Research suggests that people who were good at this kind of task (the correct answer to the paperback question was 500) tended to have better frontal lobe activation than poor performers.

LaughLab found that these individuals also tended to prefer relatively complex jokes.

Computer analysis of the data also showed that jokes containing 103 words were thought to be especially funny. The winning "hunters" joke was 102 words long.

Many jokes submitted contained references to animals. Jokes mentioning ducks were seen as funnier than other jokes.

The researchers were also able to pinpoint the funniest moment of the year. People found the jokes funniest at 6.03pm on October 7.

Dr Wiseman's team is launching a book describing their findings today. To celebrate the occasion, a man in a six foot chicken costume will drive a huge banner inscribed with the winning joke around the streets of London.

[Hunting Honey]

Ok

[Simon 23.1]

Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska.

They have a good hunt and both manage to get a large moose. When the plane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals and says, "This little plane won't lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals. You'll have to leave one. We'd never make it over the trees on the take off."

"That's baloney!" says one of the hunters. "Yeah," the other agrees, "You're just chicken. We came out here last year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts! He wasn't afraid to take off!"

"Yeah", said the first hunter, "and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours!"

The pilot got angry, and said, "Hell, if he did it, then I can do it! I can fly as well as anybody!"

They loaded up, taxied at full throttle, and the plane almost made it, but didn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of the lake. It clipped the tops, then flipped, then broke up, scattering the baggage, animal carcasses, and passengers all through the brush.

Still alive, but hurt and dazed, the pilot sat up, shook his head to clear it, and said, "Where are we?"

One of the hunters rolled out from being thrown into a bush, looked around and said, "I'd say ... About a hundred yards further than last year."

[Bowmancam]

Im going to ask Kimall if he wants to go into business with me making chocolate bickies....

I'm gonna call them 'Kim Cams' ... :roll:

Ohh god thats bad, but i couldnt help myself :wink:

Cheers, Cam

[Russell]

Baked Beans.... If this doesn't make you laugh out loud, nothing will.

Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked
beans she loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became
apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a
sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on."

She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months
later her car broke down on the way home from work.

Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told
him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way,
she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand.

Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would
walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.

So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had
consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she
felt reasonably sure she could control it.

Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table.
She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold
from his wife, the telephone rang.

He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.
He then went to answer the telephone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the
pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg
and let it go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.

She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously.

Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which
reminded her of cooked cabbage.

Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room,
she went on like this for another ten minutes.

When the telephone farewells signalled the end of her freedom,
she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her
lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.

She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned,
apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she
assured him that she had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!!

There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish
her a "Happy Birthday"!!!

[HOOD]

ROFLMAO

[Glenn]

That's a ripper Russell, love it...Glenn...

[hunting_mainiac]

http://www.hunt101.com/img/270962.jpg[/url]

[hunting_mainiac]

man the pic just disapeared :evil:

[Bowmancam]

A bloke calls his mate the horse trader and says he's sending a friend around to look at a horse. His mate asks how he will recognise him and is told "easy mate he's a midget with a speech impediment"
So the midget turns up and the trader asks if he is looking for a male or female horse. "A female horth" replies the midget , so the trader shows him his prized filly, "nith looking horth mate can i thee her eyeth?" so the trader picks the little fella up and gives the eyes a once over. "Nice eyeth, can i thee her earzth" so he picks him up again and shows him the horses ears. "Nith earzth can i thee her mouf?" The trader is starting to get a little peeved by now but picks him up again and shows him the fillys mouth. "Nith mouf, can i thee her twat?"
Well and truly pissed off now the trader picks the little bugger up and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horses hind quaters, pulls him out and slamms him on the ground. The midget gets up sputtering and coughing "perhapth i should rephrase that ,
Can i thee her wun awound a widdle bit!

Cheers, Cam 8)

[Glenn]

Bugger it Bowcam , you have got me talking with a lisp now...Glenn...

[Bowmancam]

thorry Glenn.. :wink:

Cheers, Cam 8)

[Glenn]

ith alright, I'm sure I will be back to normal thoon...Glenn...

[ricochet]

THE LUNCH-:


A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" Says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.



Rick

[Bowmancam]

The new arrival , an exotic breed of gorilla, was misbehaving after arriving where i work at Taronga zoo, and it was soon discovered the female gorilla was actualy in heat yet the zoo had no male to satisfy her desires. Well after some thought between management it was pointed out that one of the zoo keepers ( me ), a rather large muscular fella, almost fit the bill for a desired mate, after all with my frame i could satisfy a female of any species! So the management carefully approached me and put forward their suggestion.
"Cam, how would u feel about having sex with our gorilla for $500?"
Well, slightly taken back by the idea, i said i needed some time to consider it. The next day i arrived back at the zoo and spoke to the managers.
"I'll do it on these three conditions:
1, I dont have to kiss her. 2, i dont want anyone else to ever know about this." Then the manager piped up "thats all fine so far whats the third?"
"Well, I'll need a week to come up with the money" !!!!! :lol:


Cheers, Cam 8)

[HOOD]

Your a sick man Bowcam :shock:

Hood 8)

[Bowmancam]

Best money i've ever spent ! :wink:

Cheers, Cam


YAY lifts bow high and solutes the crowd. Thats my 100th post ! :mrgreen: WooHoo :D :D :D

[HOOD]

dame I jsut passed 200 and didn't even notice. oh well it happens.

Hood 8)

[jason]

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will
be almost
instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat
by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed
for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Remember to
use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget about the toothache.



Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really
are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never
know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

[Reece]

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.

Or sneeze or fart!!!